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Archive for the tag “ESPN”

Has Sportscenter Jumped the Shark?

The short answer: fuck yes. The long answer is as follows:

As I leisurely turned on ESPN this morning (about 12:30 pm ET) for my standard drawn-out breakfast to avoid doing work, I was greeted by Stephen A and Skip Bayless and… Joe Fuckin Budden? discussing what else?  Tim Tebow.  The Holy Virgin Tim has obviously been the Pennzoil keeping this show running for the past two years so I thought nothing of it and flipped to Sportscenter.  I just watched Paul Pierce turn in a classic performance last night to carry the C’s to victory and I wanted to relive it with some highlights accompanied by  snappy pop-culture references.  Much to my dismay however, Mein Fuhrer Roger Goodell had just decided to hand down some serious suspensions for the whole Saints bounty program ordeal.  I knew this right away because Merril Hoge, Tim Hassleback, and a juiced up Salsa instructor Jason Babin were yelling at each other about the severity of the suspensions while the always-hip John Buccigross looked bemused in the middle.  This went on for fifteen minutes.  The entire time, the ESPN Bottomline repeated the suspensions on a nonstop loop: Vilma out entire season, Hargrove 8 games, etc.  Not a single score to be found down there.  It was as if the three NBA playoff games, one NHL playoff game and slew of MLB games played the night before had never happened.  Who cares about that shit when there’s offseason NFL suspensions to be discussed, right?

“No seriously, you thought that shirt was cool?”

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The Official* “Around The Horn” Drinking Game

There may have been sizzurp involved

Ever been sitting around at 5 o’clock on a weekday, watching ESPN’s “Happy Hour” and wonder why you’re not drunk?  Ever come to the strange realization during “Around The Horn” that Woody Paige is probably definitely more intoxicated than you?  Have you ever wanted to punch Jay Mariotti straight in the face?  If you answered yes to any of these questions, then boy do I have the game for you!  It’s the “Around The Horn” drinking game and it’s here to get you drunk!


Play the game with four or more players.  I tried a one-on-one version with my roommate and it only led to severe belly-aches and a dire shortage of Lion’s Head for the rest of night. It’s possible to play the game with over four people (just break into teams) but for the purpose of laying down the rules let’s assume we’re playing with four. Read more…

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