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50 Things

First of all, it was very cruel of you, Professor Z, to post this knowing how many of us are graduating now.  I was forced to look back on all 4 of those years and wonder, where in the balls did they go?  It’s going to be hard leaving Temple behind and reading Ben Jones’s list of 50 tips for college was almost too goddamn poignant for me to handle.  You could practically taste the nostalgia dripping off this guy’s words and now I have to face the reality that that is going to be me in a few months.

It wasn’t all bad, though.  There was a lot to look back on in his post and think, “yeah I nailed that one,” or  even just being reminded of which songs connect to each memory from college.  “UKNOWBIGSEAN” will forever remind me of “seizing the day” sophomore year with my friend Marcus in The Dungeon (his Temple Towers room), which only meant opening the blinds and rolling another doobie.  And I’ll definitely always be reminded of belting out “Last Kiss” on my 21st birthday with my buddy Zack whenever I hear that Eddie Vedder growl.

If I could add just one tip however, and really this is an all-encompassing tip, it would be this: just say yes.  If your default answer in college isn’t yes, then you’re going to be missing out on a whole lot of great opportunities and up with a whole lot of what-ifs.  So your friend invites you to a party on a Thursday night but you know you won’t know anyone there, plus you’re pretty tired.  Just say yes!  You’re gaining nothing from staying home, you could be gaining new friends and a hell of a night if you go out.  There’s a goofy event at the Bell Tower that you know is going to be lame so you’re searching for some excuse not to go.  Just go!  At worst it actually is lame, at best you turn out to have a great time.  Where’s the risk in that?  I could go on with the cliche examples here, but I’m sure the point is taken.  So to anyone lucky enough to have another year or three left, get out there and say yes!*

*Note: do not apply this tactic to heroin offers. That shit never ends well.


Default Setting: Cynicism

David Foster Wallace just got right inside my brain.  He peered into my soul, my consciousness, and said, “I know you, man. Now I’m gonna pick you apart. Bitch.”  I actually feel semi-violated.  Everything he had to say in his commencement speech seemed to hit the nail on the head- specifically my nail and my head.  And that’s exactly what he’s talking about.

It’s hard to argue that we are all, on a deep-level, literally and figuratively self-centered.  After all, as Wallace points out, we experience the world through our own point of view.  Everything happens to or around us.  It is only fitting then that I felt as if he was specifically talking about me when running through our default thought setting, which essentially being a no-good, cynical asshole.  Many people will find their own deep-seeded cynicism hard to admit, but since I blog from the heart, and occasionally the balls, I’ll own up to it right here.  Wallace’s description of grocery shopping was like a fucking running diary of every Fresh Grocer trip I’ve ever been on.  Except instead of sitting in traffic, I have to walk 13 miles back across campus lugging a two-ton bag of milk and eggs while suppressing the urge to punch every dim-witted, bow-legged passerby straight through their obnoxious, borderline insulting face.  This just happens to be my default setting.

Hopefully though, I won’t need a liberal arts degree to shake this way of thinking.  I already, on occasion, just happen to have such a good day that I don’t let trivial shit bother me or I give people the benefit of the doubt.  As Wallace points out though, the real trick is to get into this open mind-set everyday.  That’s something I’m going to have to work on.*

*Getting high everyday would probably do the trick, but that would be totally illegal, guys (and really expensive).

GQ Barbershop Commercial

Here’s a commercial a couple of my friends and collaborators, BMack and Connor, put together for our buddy Andy’s barbershop.  Shout outs to dashing star AJ and my brother Frank for the corny voiceover. That large-chested woman at the end did a terrific job as well.

TED 2023

We’ve been watching a lot of TED Talks in class, so I went way out of my way and dug up one from the future.  This is Guy Pearce in his Peter Weyland character from the upcoming “Prometheus” giving a TED Talk in the year 2023.  My only question is, are people in the year 2023 really that oblivious to pure evil?  This guy just oozes slimy British villain and these people are eating it up like he’s got a cure for cancer. Get with it, future-people.

Antoine Walker retires, swears he was still playing basketball

This was cool for like 2 years. Then he kept playing

So apparently you can retire whenever you feel like it, actually playing in the NBA be damned.  One of the NBA’s all-time prolific three-point shooters (note I didn’t say “scorers”), Antoine Walker officially called it quits today while the rest of the world wondered aloud, “Wait, this didn’t happen five years ago?”  No, in fact it didn’t.  ‘Toine actually played for the T-Wolves in the 2007-08 season and since then has filed for bankruptcy, sold his championship ring, played a little D-league ball and finally settled his bankruptcy case.  So while it may not have ended so well for ‘Toine, I’ll always look back fondly on those early 2000’s Celtics squads with him jacking up three’s left and right, Tommy Heinshon screaming “I LOVE WALTAAAAAH!” and a young Paul Pierce dutifully strapping the likes of Jiri Welsch and Chris Mihm on his back.  It may sound kind of strange, but I view those rag-tag C’s teams as the glory days (minus the actual glory, I guess).  At the very least they were a lot of fun to root for.  Antoine Walker and his shimmy were an integral part of that.  So godspeed in the rest of your endeavors ‘Toine, godspeed.

Side note:  In ESPN’s endless hype leading up to this year’s NCAA championship game, I caught plenty of highlights of Kentucky’s champion ’95-’96 team, led by Walker.  I was stunned at the amount of future Celtics on the squad: Walker, Walter McCarty, Tony Delk, Ron Mercer- some of the all-time greats!  Throw in head coach Rick Pitino and assistant coach Jim O’Brien and you gotta wonder how this didn’t translate into at least one NBA championship (any “they all sucked arguments,” while valid, will be completely ignored).

Movies you should see this year, according to me

It’s that time of year again. The weather is getting warmer, the clothes are getting skimpier, and Hollywood’s getting ready to drop some motherfucking thunder at your local theater.  Yes sir, blockbuster season is upon us.  It started this weekend (sorry, John Carter) with the much-anticipated release of The Hunger Games, starring that hot girl from X-Men Oscar-nominated actress Jennifer Lawrence.  No, I will not be seeing that young-adult novel mularkey, but in honor of Jennifer, I sat down to write my “most anticipated movies of summer” list.  Thing is, I hit a little snag along the way: I’m not anticipating a whole lot of movies this summer.  So unless I was going to include sure-to-be classics like Piranha 3DD (like boobs! Get it?!) and G.I. Joe: Retaliation, I had to expand my list to include the entire year. (To be fair, G.I. Joe’s strategy of killing off the entire cast of the original and replacing them with The Rock can only lead to great things).

This flower had a stem once... then it dissed Phantom Menace

Since we all know January/February is the traditional Hollywood dumping ground for misfit movies, I think it’s safe to say I haven’t missed much by starting this list in March (special shout-out to January’s The Grey, 1. for being a kick-ass movie and 2. so Liam Neeson doesn’t go all Liam Neeson on me on the off chance he surfs unpopular college blogs for perceived slights and unfavorable reviews.  I have a sinking feeling he does).  So without further ado, my ten most anticipated movies of 2012: Read more…

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