How To Not Let Facebook Make You Miserable
After reading Daniel Gulati’s article “Facebook is Making Us Miserable,” I had a couple quick reactions:
- I’m not miserable, fuck you, DON’T JUDGE ME!
- That first reaction could be considered an overreaction.
- This guy must have only interviewed full-blown Facebook addicts (I use the term full-blown because it immediately evokes AIDS, giving me an excuse to link to this). Facebooking while crossing through traffic? Really? Quitting all together is “unrealistic?” Is this social networking or heroin?
So as a self-labeled “casual” Facebook user, I’ll offer some tips on how to not let Facebook get you down, made professional-looking by bullet-points:
- Don’t be an asshole. This is the easiest way to avoid the dreaded “den of comparison.” If someone posts a nice little update about how they finally landed that sweet gig at DunkinDonuts, don’t feel the need to post your own status about how you’re now working at Starbucks and you can’t possibly imagine working at a donut shop with no wi-fi. Personally, I ignore all personal achievements. First of all I don’t care, second of all bragging about it on Facebook just makes that person look like a douche.
- Don’t add friends. This one has worked like a charm for me. I have made it a personal rule that I do not send friend requests on Facebook. If someone is enough of a friend, they’ll request you! This solves the problem of being Facebook friends with hundreds of people you don’t know and degrading the meaning of friendship (as old fogies seem to think Facebook is doing). Plus you get super-excited whenever you get a new friend request.
- Get off the grid. For the past 3 years or so, every time I’ve logged onto Facebook I’ve been greeted with a message that says: “Kyle, we couldn’t reach you by email. Please enter a valid email address.” I don’t want you to reach me, bitch! I’ve gone rogue! I’m not sure if this has any real benefit, but
it does make me feel like I’ve got a small slice of mind-control over Mark Zuckerberg.
- Get off Facebook. No seriously. Get off. Quit. It’s not worth it. It’s totally easy to do. I’ll do it if you do it. You first though.