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How To Not Let Facebook Make You Miserable

After reading Daniel Gulati’s article “Facebook is Making Us Miserable,” I had a couple quick reactions:

  1. I’m not miserable, fuck you, DON’T JUDGE ME!
  2. That first reaction could be considered an overreaction.
  3. This guy must have only interviewed full-blown Facebook addicts (I use the term full-blown because it immediately evokes AIDS, giving me an excuse to link to this).  Facebooking while crossing through traffic? Really? Quitting all together is “unrealistic?” Is this social networking or heroin?

So as a self-labeled “casual” Facebook user, I’ll offer some tips on how to not let Facebook get you down, made professional-looking by bullet-points:

It's only a matter of time before this guy's backup takes over and wins a string of employee of the month awards. Let him enjoy it.

  • Don’t be an asshole.  This is the easiest way to avoid the dreaded “den of comparison.” If someone posts a nice little update about how they finally landed that sweet gig at DunkinDonuts, don’t feel the need to post your own status about how you’re now working at Starbucks and you can’t possibly imagine working at a donut shop with no wi-fi.  Personally, I ignore all personal achievements.  First of all I don’t care, second of all bragging about it on Facebook just makes that person look like a douche.
  • Don’t add friends.  This one has worked like a charm for me.  I have made it a personal rule that I do not send friend requests on Facebook.  If someone is enough of a friend, they’ll request you!  This solves the problem of being Facebook friends with hundreds of people you don’t know and degrading the meaning of friendship (as old fogies seem to think Facebook is doing).  Plus you get super-excited whenever you get a new friend request.
  • Get off the grid.  For the past 3 years or so, every time I’ve logged onto Facebook I’ve been greeted with a message that says: “Kyle, we couldn’t reach you by email. Please enter a valid email address.”  I don’t want you to reach me, bitch!  I’ve gone rogue!  I’m not sure if this has any real benefit, but

    "I will look for you. I WILL find you. And I will kill you."

    it does make me feel like I’ve got a small slice of mind-control over Mark Zuckerberg.

  • Get off Facebook.  No seriously.  Get off.  Quit.  It’s not worth it.  It’s totally easy to do.  I’ll do it if you do it.  You first though.

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5 thoughts on “How To Not Let Facebook Make You Miserable

  1. I like your tips, except for the don’t add friends rule. If everyone followed that, no one would have any friends on facebook.
    And going off the grid on Facebook isn’t even that hard. Most people have so many friends they don’t even notice when a person is gone.

  2. I wholeheartedly agree with rule #1. People think that it is more acceptable to be rude online than it is in real-life. The difficult thing about Facebook is though that it is easier to post a status that can unintentionally be offensive, since no one can know what all ____ hundred of their friends are doing/thinking/feeling at the same time. For example, I have seen friends go “Yay! Just got a job!” when another friend has just recently lost his. I would hope that if this was in “real life,” the individual would have the tact to withhold the excitement if a friend of his had just lost his position. I have never heard of anyone trying to implement rule #2, but that is an interesting idea (although if everyone took it into practice, than no one would be able to get any Facebook friends; someone has to demonstrate initiative).

  3. First of all, this blog entry was very funny.
    second of all, it was simple and straight forward. you don’t want to be a facebook junkie, get off it. simple as that. and I see where the comments are coming from when saying if you don’t add friends then no one would be on facebook, but isn’t that the idea. you want people to gradually withdraw from their virtual unreal realities to go make actual friends that walk on solid grounds.

    what just made my day, is that the spell-check function just underlined facebook, because it’s not a real word. and it will never be. what does it mean anyway. your face on a book, or a book about your face. anyway.

  4. I partially agree, only on the strength that now, for most jobs and to know what’s happening in the world, we need social media. Being a web hermit makes people question why you have an account at all?! Posting updates to simply try to out do someone else’s achievement is a fail but also. Unless I genuinely like a person or care that they are doing well I tend to ignore all life updates. If we are not close enough for us to talk on the phone about it then what makes it change on Facebook?

  5. Oh and awesome post sir! lol

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